Well, not really.. But everyone thought I had. I must say it's odd watching the news and hearing your name/age/location mentioned alongside a fatal accident. In fact, I was covered in chill bumps.
I did learn a few things from the experience, though.
More people know/like you than you think. I cannot tell you how many people called, texted, messaged, ran up to me crying in Walmart, and hugged me. Holy moly. Sadly, I didn't know half of them. And maybe I'm cynical, but a lot of the ones I didn't know were totally attention-seekers. Ugh.
You never know when life's gonna end. That poor girl was only twenty years old. Twenty. TWENTY. That's 1/4 of a lifespan gone in a flash. What did she really have the opportunity to do? Did she marry, have children, travel, move somewhere new and exciting, stay out all night, see the stars on top of a mountain? I hope so. I hope she did the things in life that made her happy. I hope she reached the maximum level of happiness her young body could hold. I hope that someday she and her loved ones are reunited. I hope she had no regrets. Rest in peace, sweet girl.
But I cannot help but think: If I had died, would I have regrets?
HELL YES.
I'd regret never apologizing to those I've wronged.
I'd regret the times I rationalized terrible things with ideals based on fantasy.
I'd regret not ordering dessert.
I'd regret letting myself be used.
Not climbing to the top of the mountain.
Not buying that cute pair of shoes.
Not taking a gamble.
Not letting go.
Not crying when I really need to.
Not trusting in others.
Not taking in all of the time and love from friends and family.
Not chasing my dreams to my fullest ability.
Not taking a leap.
Not taking every opportunity.
Not helping others more.
I could die tomorrow. I could end up six feet under. Worm food. Fertilizer. And what would I have to show for it? What would they write in my obituary?
I challenge you all to do the same. What more could you do to change your life?
-Tabitha
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